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among other things

3 [+ / -]     Jun 21, 2009

  • (Two researchers are outside their building taking a smoke break)
  • Researcher 1: You know, I hear Splenda's bad for you.

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not what a girl wants

4 [+ / -]     Jun 12, 2009

  • (Two ten year old girls looking at a scandalous picture of Christina Aguilera at Borders)
  • Girl 1: When I get older, I want to dress like that.
  • Girl 2: Whore.

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in a past life, maybe?

10 [+ / -]     Mar 26, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: How old are you?
  • Bartender cleaning up her vomit: Twenty-six.
  • Drunk Girl: Have you ever been Twenty-four?

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let's hope god's grammar is better than his sense

-4 [+ / -]     Mar 21, 2009

  • Crazy homeless lady: You shole do got good sense... gooder sense than God got.

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he's also very stylish and comes with his own allen wrench

8 [+ / -]     Mar 10, 2009

  • (On the way to Ikea)
  • Female coworker: Mmmm, I can't wait to eat some Swedish meatballs!
  • Male coworker: I didn't know your boyfriend was Swedish.

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who loves the 1970s? we do!

20 [+ / -]     Mar 07, 2009

  • Store Associate: (referring to shirt boxes) There's so many tops and almost no bottoms!
  • Gay Store Manager: Baby, that's just Atlanta for ya!

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what does that say about kindergarten teachers?

14 [+ / -]     Feb 09, 2009

  • Student 1: I just got my paper back, and the good thing about college is that the teachers, they have been through college.
  • Student 2: What do you mean?
  • Student 1: Well in high school my english teacher always tried to correct me, but what does she know? She never went to college.
  • Student 2: Why do you say that?
  • Student 1: Because she taught high school.

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the same old story

14 [+ / -]     Dec 30, 2008

  • (Two girls are waiting at a bus stop and a junker car pulls up)
  • Sketchy Guy: Hey! Come here!
  • Girl 1: We're waiting for the MARTA bus.
  • Sketchy Guy: I am the MARTA bus!
  • Girl 2: You're a little... small.

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the way to a woman's heart is through the parole office

28 [+ / -]     Nov 18, 2008

  • Girl: (to friend) Oh! You know who's really cute, and just got out of jail?

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get 'em young

13 [+ / -]     Nov 16, 2008

  • (A little girl in a stroller and her mother are passing by a news stand)
  • Little Girl: Look mommy, Obama!
  • (The mother quickly rushes past the news stand)

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that'll look good on a tombstone, too

20 [+ / -]     Nov 13, 2008

  • Random girl: When I die, I just wanna be like "bye, y'all" and flat line.

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#13   this post brought to you by smart people. and france.

58 [+ / -]     Nov 05, 2008

  • Black Girl: I can't believe I only attract Middle Eastern business men with foot fetishes.
  • Asian Girl: That's not true, what about that guy that worked at the Iranian embassy in D.C.?
  • Black Girl: Sweetie, Iran is the Middle East. You're Asian! Why aren't you smarter?
  • Asian Girl: Wait, is that where Iraq is?
  • Black Girl: For real? Are you for serious?! I need smarter friends. And a croissant.

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this just in, optimism does not prevent cancer

16 [+ / -]     Oct 27, 2008

  • Girl 1. I love to smoke.
  • Girl 2. Yeah but, do you ever think about the health issues?
  • Girl 1. The only one I care about is wrinkles. That's the only really bad effect.

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#24   look but don't touch, but neither when you with your better half

37 [+ / -]     Oct 16, 2008

  • Black Girl: She's a hoe.
  • Asian Guy: How can you tell?
  • Black Girl: I can see her thong through her dress.
  • Asian Guy: Well to me, that says available.
  • Black Girl: Excuse me?
  • Asian Guy: (falters) You know... if I wasn't with you. I love you.
  • Black Girl: Shut the fuck up and get me a drink.

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do we at least get any points for trying?

31 [+ / -]     Oct 05, 2008

  • Black Woman: You're having a conference called Jam Session, but with no music?
  • German Guy: White folks, ya know?
  • (pause)
  • Black Woman: Good answer.

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