Quotes Filed Under "Bum"


after all, everyone else is getting a bailout

145 [+ / -]     May 28, 2009

  • Homeless Man: Can I have some change? I just really need some change, man, please, can I have some change?
  • Girl: Obama's got your change!

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we wonder which one he is going to inhale

51 [+ / -]     Mar 23, 2009

  • Bum: (holding two balloons) Hey man. Hey! What's the difference between helium and nitrogen?
  • Drunk Guy 1: The atomic mass. Helium is 1, Nitrogen is 7.
  • Drunk Guy 2: One makes your voice high. One fuuuuuucks you up!
  • (Bum runs away)

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let's hope god's grammar is better than his sense

-4 [+ / -]     Mar 21, 2009

  • Crazy homeless lady: You shole do got good sense... gooder sense than God got.

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the effects of the economy are worse than we thought

73 [+ / -]     Oct 14, 2008

  • Homeless guy: Yo man, gimme some money, I want me some coffee.
  • Student: Okay wait, lemme guess. You're on your way to work?

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a walk to remember

114 [+ / -]     Oct 07, 2008

  • (Homeless Guy walks up elbow-to-elbow with Student)
  • Homeless Guy: Yo, I'm walkin' with y'all, man.
  • Student: What? Who are you? What the fuck?
  • Homeless Guy: Shhhhhh. I'm walkin' witchu.

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#25   he's working on his dissertation as we speak

33 [+ / -]     Sep 10, 2008

  • Homeless Guy: Excuse me, can you spare some change for some psychedelic research?

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leave mom out of it

158 [+ / -]     Jul 01, 2008

  • (A young guy is walking down the street holding hands with a much older, not so attractive lady)
  • Bum: Boy, you're had too much to drink!

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i'll take that as a maybe

-27 [+ / -]     May 07, 2008

  • Guy: Hey, have you seen Rack 'em Willy come through here?
  • Sorostitute: Sorry, I don't have any cigarettes.
  • (pause)
  • Guy: Thanks.

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we're guessing that wouldn't take long

-14 [+ / -]     Apr 30, 2008

  • Drunk guy: Hey, you look like the lead singer of Led Zeppelin!
  • Homeless woman: You don't wanna fuck with me tonight.
  • Drunk guy: I'll knock the rest of your teeth out, bitch!

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mom, can i keep him?

77 [+ / -]     Apr 18, 2008

  • Homeless guy: I'm potty trained, take me home.

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despite the math error, a charming effort

207 [+ / -]     Apr 05, 2008

  • Homeless Guy: Look at these fine looking ladies, do you know how much I'd pay for you? $500 for you, $500 for you, $500 for you, and $500 for you. That's $3000 worth of beautiful ladies! I have a daughter that's 18, y'all are all over 18 right? You need a man! I tell my daughter not to ever bring home a boy like this one over here. You need a fine older man to pay your way through college.
  • (He opens up his wallet to show them four dollars)
  • Homeless Guy: I can be that man.

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it's so hard to get bum juice out of the grill

-67 [+ / -]     Apr 01, 2008

  • (Fratty almost hits bum on a bike downtown when turning, then rolls down his window)
  • Fratty: Watch where your going! You could have put a dent in my car you bastard.

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#3   sounds like he's under pressure

136 [+ / -]     Mar 19, 2008

  • Bum: (outside MARTA station) Spare change? Spare change?
  • (He breaks into a perfect David Bowie imitation)
  • Bum: Ch-ch-ch-changes! Turn and face the train! Changes!

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#2   better get used to it, kids

176 [+ / -]     Mar 14, 2008

  • Bum: (sitting on ground outside MARTA station) Spare change?
  • (Mom tries to hurry her two kids past him)
  • Little Boy: Wow, a homeless person! We learned about these in social studies!
  • Little Girl: I never thought I'd actually get to see one in real life!

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#9   turns out beggars CAN be choosers

70 [+ / -]     Feb 28, 2008

  • Beggar Lady: Does anyone have any change so I can eat?
  • (Guy starts putting nickels and pennies down on the seat for her)
  • Beggar Lady: No, no, I don't take pennies.

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#24   she as well be saving up barcodes from cereal boxes

37 [+ / -]     Feb 21, 2008

  • (Poor Lady is walking up and down the train asking for change to buy food)
  • Poor Lady: Can you spare 25 cents, sir?
  • Fratty: Sorry, I dont have any change.
  • Poor Lady: Is that one of 'em iPods?
  • Fratty: Yes, ma'am.
  • Poor Lady: How much one of 'em cost?
  • Fratty: 'Bout $200.
  • Poor Lady: Ooh, child... I've got to save my money to buy one of 'em things.

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or to take you for a ride on his spaceship

100 [+ / -]     Feb 07, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Yeah, if you see him tell him to call his mom because a bum found his cell phone in a parking lot. Yeah he's probably going to want money or beer.

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meet the stranger inside all of us

175 [+ / -]     Nov 26, 2007

  • Sorostitute 1: Where should we go tonight?
  • Sorostitute 2: Oh look, JRs. Let's drink long islands all night and wake up naked next to strangers... it'll be just like freshman year.
  • Homeless guy: I can be that stranger!

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honesty is hard to come by these days

41 [+ / -]     Jun 12, 2007

  • Shirtless bum: Spare some change for beer?

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man, i hate that guy

-1 [+ / -]     Feb 27, 2007

  • Bum: Excuse me, excuse me miss...
  • Girl: I have to go to work, sir.
  • Bum: Miss, ain't you a Christian, miss?
  • Girl: No!

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red 87! red 87! go long!

46 [+ / -]     Feb 26, 2007

  • Guy on street at 4-way stop: Yo man, just throw me a quarter.
  • Guy: Was that a drive-by panhandling?

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