Quotes Filed Under "Drinking"


good thing they installed a revolving door at the jail

17 [+ / -]     Jun 25, 2009

  • (Walking away from Buddha Bar to a car)
  • Drunk guy: Man, tonight was great!
  • Sober guy: You better watch out, they are running a road block down the road.
  • Drunk guy: Man, I can't go to jail, my PO would be pissed as hell at me!

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


and the worst part of all... he spilled ketchup on his shirt at dinner

4 [+ / -]     Jun 21, 2009

  • Prior to passing out, this guy not only threw up all over himself, but he also peed his pants.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (15) | Speak Your Piece


athens, home of the minor in possession

45 [+ / -]     May 31, 2009

  • Training for college.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece


sam adams the study buddy

3 [+ / -]     May 13, 2009

  • Fratty 1: Dude, are you ready for the final? I'm nervous.
  • Fratty 2: Not me. I had a beer to calm the nerves.
  • Fratty 1: You had a beer?
  • Fratty 2: Yeah, a beer or two. I got to pee.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (9) | Speak Your Piece


i went out and got horsefaced last night

47 [+ / -]     May 04, 2009

  • Horse head drinking bear.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (5) | Speak Your Piece


i must be going to the wrong parties

158 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: She was really drunk.
  • Guy: I think you're all really drunk.
  • Drunk Girl: No. I mean she-showed-me-her-pussy drunk.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


those wily gator fans...

217 [+ / -]     Apr 25, 2009

  • Drunk guy: Hey there officer, was the music too loud?
  • Cop: We had a complaint about the noise and some underage drinking. I'm gonna let you off the hook this time, but I don't want to see anyone walking around with red solo cups in there.
  • Drunk guy: Oh, don't worry officer... we have green ones.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


well, we know what she gave up for lent

-70 [+ / -]     Apr 13, 2009

  • Sister: So, I talked to mom. Supposedly everyone is coming for Easter. Kristin is coming and supposedly she just got out of rehab for alcoholism. Can you believe that?
  • Brother: Does that mean we can't drink at Easter?
  • Sister: Well, only a little.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


point / counterpoint

135 [+ / -]     Mar 25, 2009

  • (Drunk Guy and Drunk Girl making out at party)
  • Drunk Girl: I think it would probably be best if we stopped.
  • Drunk Guy: I think it would be best if you gave me head.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece


so, none of the above

7 [+ / -]     Mar 24, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: Um, can I like, get a taco please?
  • Cashier: Sure. What kind would you like? Steak, chicken, or chorizo?
  • Drunk Girl: Um, like, meat, I guess?
  • Cashier: Well, what kind of meat? Steak, chicken, or chorizo?
  • Drunk Girl: Um, you know, like that stuff that comes on tacos at Taco Bell?

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (10) | Speak Your Piece


binge or binge not. there is no sip.

71 [+ / -]     Mar 22, 2009

  • Fratty: Are you going downtown tonight?
  • Sorostitute: No, I can't.
  • Fratty: Oh, come on.
  • Sorostitute: I really can't. I gave up binge drinking for Lent.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


why not both?

-17 [+ / -]     Mar 20, 2009

  • Drunk guy: You can't come to Mardi Gras with us, its a boys-only trip.
  • Drunk girl: Please?
  • Drunk guy: Maybe, if you show my your tits.
  • Drunk girl: Now, or later?

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


or he could be a turfgrass management major

102 [+ / -]     Mar 18, 2009

  • Drunk Guy 1: What class do you have at nine?
  • Drunk Guy 2: Fire ants.
  • Drunk Guy 1: What?
  • Drunk Guy 3: I assume he meant finance.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (4) | Speak Your Piece


in this case, it wasn't worth a shot

107 [+ / -]     Mar 06, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: (to Guy) Hey, I need to get laid tonight. Will you buy me a shot?
  • (Guy and Drunk Girl take a shot)
  • Drunk Girl: Okay, thanks!
  • (Drunk Girl walks away)

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


that's what you get for partying at officemax

15 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2009

  • guy passed out on the couch at transmet after the bama game.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


remember that time when we were all breathing?

124 [+ / -]     Feb 19, 2009

  • Girl 1: Do you remember that time when we were all kind of drunk at Gumby's?
  • Girl 2: Um, you just described all of freshman year.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (8) | Speak Your Piece


its sad when even professors think thursday is the weekend

78 [+ / -]     Feb 18, 2009

  • Professor: It's referring to how the different organs in your body perform different functions. Your heart pumps blood and your liver helps you recover from Thursday night.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (1) | Speak Your Piece


is it friday night already?

31 [+ / -]     Jan 23, 2009

  • (After a failed keg stand)
  • Guy 1: You have to put it all the way in your mouth!
  • Guy 2: Only if you're pumping it while I do it!

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (19) | Speak Your Piece


"stay in school" apparently doesn't count

-71 [+ / -]     Jan 17, 2009

  • Girl 1: So, the bartender at the club was really rude to me! He called me out at the end of the night for not tipping him! I couldn't believe it!
  • Girl 2: Well, how many beers did you have?
  • Girl 1: Five.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (13) | Speak Your Piece


there's no place like home, there's no place like home...

-50 [+ / -]     Jan 08, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: Ohmigod! What are you doing in Athens?!
  • (Pause)
  • Sober Guy: I live here.
  • Drunk Girl: Ohmigod! Me too!

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


he's the worst stalker ever

-56 [+ / -]     Dec 21, 2008

  • Drunk Freshman Girl 1: Like, ohmigod, I should be falling over right, now!
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 2: No, girl, you're fine.
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 1: And, ohmigod! Like, why was Joseph kissing all over me?
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 2: Because he doesn't know that you have a boyfriend!
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 1: Ohmigod, does he not check Facebook? Like, what the eff?
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 2: I guess not, girl.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (6) | Speak Your Piece


keychain breathalyzers are great stocking stuffers

91 [+ / -]     Dec 19, 2008

  • Drunk Guy 1: You cool to drive?
  • Drunk Guy 2: Yeah, unless I get pulled over.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (22) | Speak Your Piece


good thing they weren't using the blender for margaritas

22 [+ / -]     Dec 04, 2008

  • Girl: You were ridiculous last night. You were hitting on everyone.
  • Guy: I know, I was so drunk last night I would have stuck my dick in anything.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


alcohol significantly affects pattern recognition

151 [+ / -]     Nov 11, 2008

  • Drunk redneck: You fucking suck!
  • Bagpipes guy: Shut the hell up, fucker!
  • Drunk redneck: At least I'm not playing a fiddle!
  • Bagpipes guy: Neither am I, dumbass!

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (8) | Speak Your Piece


though his sense of humor sounds far from it

98 [+ / -]     Oct 26, 2008

  • Guy 1: So some drunk guy just walked into your room and pissed in your roommate's dresser?
  • Guy 2: Pretty much.
  • Guy 1: And you just stood there? What kind of friend are you?
  • Guy 2: A dry one.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


that's the other kind of free ride

57 [+ / -]     Oct 24, 2008

  • Girl 1: Take WatchDawgs home!
  • Girl 2: Okay, who's he?
  • Girl 1: What!? It's a free safe ride service, and we're here, so ride.
  • Girl 2: Oh, no thanks. I'm trying to find a man.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


giving new meaning to driving on fumes

80 [+ / -]     Oct 23, 2008

  • Professor: I saw you on your scooter the other day! I waved and yelled but I guess you didn't hear me.
  • Student: Oh, I had my iPod headphones in... and I'm usually blitzed.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


and the superlative for "take home to mom" goes to...

105 [+ / -]     Sep 23, 2008

  • Drunk Girl: I feel so trashy right now!
  • Guy: I mean, you did just flash two construction workers.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (5) | Speak Your Piece


if it ain't broke...

-4 [+ / -]     Sep 22, 2008

  • Hipster: I like Nyquil. But Nyquil with liquor in it? Kinda gross.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


she pays for med school the old-fashioned way

86 [+ / -]     Sep 20, 2008

  • Drunk Guy: You can't party like me.
  • Drunk Girl: Oh, yes I can.
  • Drunk Guy: Bet you 100 dollars you don't last 'til midnight.
  • Drunk Girl: Alright, 100 dollars. Easiest money I ever made. Besides that lap dance earlier.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (1) | Speak Your Piece


the limit as age goes to zero is... wait, where's my drink?

-31 [+ / -]     Sep 20, 2008

  • Drunk sorostitute: I learn so much at college!
  • Drunk fratty: Like... calc?
  • Drunk sorostitute: No, like did you know before a baby is born, it's zero years old?

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


there's nothing better than a bus with it's own full bar

103 [+ / -]     Sep 12, 2008

  • Passenger: Want a beer?
  • Driver: No thanks.
  • Passenger: Shot of something?
  • Driver: I am driving a 40,000 pound bus, no thanks.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


damn, i must have left it in my other overalls

142 [+ / -]     Sep 10, 2008

  • 6-year-old boy: Can I have something to drink?
  • Bartender: May I see some ID first?

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


observe the humble wallflorius athenius in her natural environment

42 [+ / -]     Sep 09, 2008

  • Nothing like a crazy night on the town to get you pumped!

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (12) | Speak Your Piece


nothing like an existential crisis on your birthday

53 [+ / -]     Sep 09, 2008

  • Drunk Girl: Hey! Hey! It's my birthday!
  • Drunk Guy: Really? So how old are you?
  • (Drunk Girl opens her wallet and stares at a fake ID)
  • Drunk Girl: Well, according to this one, it says I'm 22.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


maybe that's just what he drank on the trip

114 [+ / -]     Sep 09, 2008

  • Georgia Mom: So, my son came home with a whole bunch of recycling in the back of his truck.
  • (pauses)
  • Georgia Mom: It was all beer bottles, but at least he's recycling.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (1) | Speak Your Piece


which resulted in that infamous sliding glass door incident

61 [+ / -]     Sep 04, 2008

  • Drunk guy 1: Hey, why aren't you doing a keg stand or funneling something?
  • Drunk guy 2: I've stopped doing that sort of thing.
  • Drunk guy 1: Why?
  • Drunk guy 2: The last four times I have, I whipped my cock out.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


that is definitely on the list of warning signs

66 [+ / -]     Sep 03, 2008

  • Girl: Ugh, I couldn't sleep at all last night. I think it's because I was sober.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


good friends will never lie to you

165 [+ / -]     Sep 02, 2008

  • Drunk Girl 1: Look, I drank so much downtown that my stomach is poking out in my dress!
  • Drunk Girl 2: Your stomach was poking out well before we went downtown.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


love unto others as you would love unto yourself

67 [+ / -]     Aug 27, 2008

  • Drunk guy 1: Yeah, I don't know if it's gonna work out. But I do really care about her.
  • Drunk guy 2: I have no doubt that you love her as much as she loves you. But I doubt that she loves you as much as you love you.
  • Drunk guy 1: Damn, that's deep.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


book, cover, judge

26 [+ / -]     Aug 24, 2008

  • Bartender: What the hell dude, you couldn't tell she was a lesbian?
  • Patron: I just thought she was stylish. Feminazi style.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece


beware the dangers of alcohol poisoning

34 [+ / -]     Aug 23, 2008

  • Found this guy out in the parking lot one morning (look closely to see the cigarette in its mouth).