Quotes Filed Under "Drugs"


which is nothing to joke about

11 [+ / -]     Jul 22, 2008

  • Guy: (dressed like The Joker) My Joker makeup is awesome! Except I had to take off my smile for now because I can't hit the bong with it on.

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horrible mental image for the day? check.

44 [+ / -]     Jul 21, 2008

  • Old woman: (referring to a dress in the juniors department) This is cute.
  • Old man: Is it a dress or a shirt?
  • Old woman: It's a babydoll dress. You know, like I used to wear.
  • Old man: Yeah, back in the day when I didn't need my blue pills.

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have you tried saving the environment... on weed?

21 [+ / -]     Jul 21, 2008

  • (On a tour of the new art building)
  • Art Instructor: And you can see that the graduate painting studios provide an excellent view of the "green roof."
  • Student: Oh, I wonder what's growing out there.
  • Art instructor: Drugs!

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we've all been there

-10 [+ / -]     Jun 12, 2008

  • (Two women standing outside a super market)
  • Woman: Open those cookies that we bought... so I can snort one.

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did you maybe lick one before class?

17 [+ / -]     May 22, 2008

  • (Professor pulls up picture of frog on the overhead)
  • Professor: Man! Look at that frog! I'd totally lick that.

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no wonder he's always so happy in class

175 [+ / -]     May 19, 2008

  • (Professor's cell phone rings mid-lecture)
  • Professor: (On phone, completely straight-faced) Two kilos.

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i think my opinion on healthcare reform just changed

12 [+ / -]     May 19, 2008

  • Guy: We lost a lot of epi-pens because someone left them out of the fridge the other day.
  • Girl: You don't have to refrigerate epi-pens.
  • Guy: Really? It might have been insulin.
  • Girl: Um, yeah, you have to refrigerate insulin.
  • Guy: I mean, what's the difference?
  • Girl: Seriously?
  • Guy: You laugh, but I'm the one filling your prescriptions.

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not the sort of thing most people would admit to

-2 [+ / -]     May 17, 2008

  • Stoner 1: Hey, I wanna drag. Can I have a drag?
  • Stoner 2: Fine, just wrap your lips lightly around it when you suck.
  • Stoner 3: That's what he said.

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can you hear william wallace turning in his grave?

35 [+ / -]     May 10, 2008

  • Sociology Instructor: (talking about ideas) Where is the only place that you truly have freedom?
  • Dude: Amsterdam?

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you should be happy... why aren't you smiling?

54 [+ / -]     May 10, 2008

  • Girl 1: Ohmigod! Did I tell you what my parents are getting me for graduation? My first Botox injections!
  • Girl 2: Ohmigod! You are so lucky!

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the other two things aren't nearly as fun

94 [+ / -]     Apr 23, 2008

  • Professor: There were only two things that were burned during the 1960s. Does anyone know what those two things were?
  • Student: Pot?
  • Professor: Ok, three things then.

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that would explain the lack of appetite

226 [+ / -]     Mar 31, 2008

  • Girl on Cell: So all I had for lunch was some Coke and a couple of Milky Way eggs that you gave me in the Easter basket.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on Cell: No mom, not cocaine. Coca Cola. I can't afford weed, much less cocaine.

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and they say marijuana decreases motivation

-59 [+ / -]     Mar 28, 2008

  • Stoner Dude 1: Dude, I smoked 3 blunts today!
  • Stoner Dude 2: Man, I wish I could have days like that... I don't how you can afford to just sit around all day and do that.
  • Stoner Dude 3: Hey, you have to work hard to have a day like that! You gotta put some serious effort in if you want to have a 3 blunt day!

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better living through your sibling's chemistry

52 [+ / -]     Mar 10, 2008

  • Friend 1: Hey!
  • Friend 2: Hey! Did you go jogging to wake up this morning?
  • Friend 1: No, I just took my little brothers last Adderall.

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rule #2: don't roll in the ga theatre bathroom

-23 [+ / -]     Mar 06, 2008

  • Girl 1: She says she won't roll anymore because she hallucinated the last time.
  • Girl 2: Yeah, because hers was laced with heroin!
  • Girl 1: Yeah, like, rule number 1 - don't buy your rolls from some sketchy guy in Prague.

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#22   i always seem to miss that aisle at the local hobby lobby

20 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2008

  • Fratty: So I'm thinking of experimenting with drugs this summer.
  • Sorostitute: Uh, why?
  • Fratty: Dunno, I feel like I need a hobby.

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warning: marijuana affects grammar skills

47 [+ / -]     Mar 04, 2008

  • Dude 1: I gotta quit getting high all the time.
  • Dude 2: Why?
  • Dude 1: Drugs are like bad and stuff and drain bramage.

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meanwhile, the dog has been cramming for exams all night

11 [+ / -]     Feb 25, 2008

  • Girl 1: I can't believe my dog ate all my Adderall.
  • Girl 2: I haven't taken any of that in forever.
  • Girl 1: I mean, I just don't know how I'm going to get through this week.

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#9   remember kids, alcohol reduces your inhibitions

55 [+ / -]     Feb 25, 2008

  • Emory Guy: (inside a car, yelling to two girls in the parking lot) Hey, we're going to a dance party, wanna come?
  • Drunk Girl: We cant just get in a car with strangers!
  • Emory Guy: We're gonna get high!
  • Drunk Girl: Okay!

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her official charge was "too stupid to survive in the wild"

222 [