Quotes Filed Under "Ew."


viagra vs. steroids, round 1, ding!

6 [+ / -]     May 17, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Don't fuck with me! I'm harder than your strongest erection!

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i'd shake your hand to apologize, but...

8 [+ / -]     May 16, 2008

  • Girl 1: (to friend, walking into a stall) That's another reason I like coming here. They keep the bathrooms clean, or the toilets at least.
  • (a toilet flushes)
  • Girl 1: Damn, that was quick. Did you even wipe your ass?
  • Girl 2: Um... there's someone else in here.

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some people like to do it at denny's, apparently

0 [+ / -]     May 15, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I have your dress, I washed it.
  • Sorostitute 2: Why did you wash it? Are there jizz stains on it?
  • Sorostitute 1: No! I just washed it so it would be clean.
  • Sorostitute 2: Whatever. If I find white crusties on my dress, I'll know it was you.
  • Sorostitute 1: If you find white crusties on your dress, I'm 99 percent positive it's ranch.

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"...thanks for holding me up, young lady"

38 [+ / -]     May 15, 2008

  • Old man bringing the Dawg spirit (and probably his viagra too) to St. Simons for Ga/Fl

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$5 footlong, anyone?

-35 [+ / -]     May 15, 2008

  • Employee 1: My hair got stuck in my tongue ring last night. It hurt.
  • Employee 2: What the hell were you doing last night that got your hair in your mouth?
  • Employee 2: Not just last night, I was doing it 'till 5:30 AM!

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he might have spoken a little too soon

83 [+ / -]     May 14, 2008

  • Fratty 1: Dude, it was a guy!
  • Fratty 2: Naw, man you're full of shit!
  • Fratty 1: Dude, I'm telling you, it was a guy!
  • Fratty 2: Naw, naw. It wasn't a guy!
  • Fratty 1: Dude, I swear to fuckin' God, it was a guy.
  • Fratty 2: What the fuck do you know? You're full of shit!
  • Fratty 1: No, dude, I swear to God, you were making out with a guy! You can ask anybody there.
  • (Fratty 2 begins to vomit)
  • Fratty 1: Dude, don't worry about it. Nobody knows, and I'm not going to tell anybody.
  • Fratty 2: Dude, you're a good friend.

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that looks painful. so does the tattoo.

26 [+ / -]     May 13, 2008

  • Saw this tat at some drunk at the pool and just had to zoom in on it.

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"...you mean your house, right?"

49 [+ / -]     May 12, 2008

  • Guy 1: What do you do in Athens in the summer when no one's here?
  • Guy 2: I dunno. Hang out in your house naked.

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dude, put that away

7 [+ / -]     May 12, 2008

  • Saw this at one of those stands in the Mall couldn't resist the photo op..

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practice makes perfect, right?

53 [+ / -]     May 10, 2008

  • (Guy in CPR class is refusing to give CPR to an infant dummy)
  • Instructor: Go ahead. Put your mouth up to it.
  • Guy: No!
  • Instructor: C'mon, it's just like you're making out with a baby.
  • Guy: You're making this really awkward.
  • Instructor: What's awkward about saving lives?

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the scary thing is it's plural

46 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Fratty: (to girl) Well, it was good to see you again. Good luck with your STDs.

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we hear they have really nice pearl necklaces

-16 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Their clothes certainly get attention...

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no guts no glory

74 [+ / -]     May 08, 2008

  • Girl 1: I was walking outside Park Hall when I felt something wet and nasty hit the back of my neck.
  • Girl 2: Ew... bird poop?
  • Girl 1: No! Get this... it was a hawk or something squeezing the guts out of a baby squirrel... and when I looked up all these squirrel guts hit me in the face!
  • Girl 2: That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard!
  • Girl 1: So, anyway... do you think this was an omen?

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what happens in athens...

65 [+ / -]     May 06, 2008

  • Fratty 1: What's up guys? I just got back from Vegas!
  • Fratty 2: Nice. Did you get a hooker?
  • Fratty 1: Nah dude, hookers are expensive.
  • Fratty 3: Yeah, why pay for a hooker when you can just get one for free at Bourbon?

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"...i'll also need some lysol and a copy of playboy"

38 [+ / -]     May 05, 2008

  • (Cashier is ringing up a couple)
  • Girl: All I'm saying is that when you use the toilet at my place, don't leave stuff on the seat. I don't want a baby!
  • (Awkward pause while the cashier, guy, and girl exchange looks)
  • Cashier: Well, will this be all for today?

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he's way too drunk for that to be real

-7 [+ / -]     May 04, 2008

  • Halloween, Of Montreal, and Dicks-in-boxes

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