Quotes Filed Under "Greek Life"


is it cock blocking if he never stood a chance?

109 [+ / -]     Apr 08, 2009

  • (After a drunk guy tries to grab a girl, her friend steps in)
  • Drunk Guy: You're cock blocking!
  • Girl's Friend: You're ugly!

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let's get fiscal

152 [+ / -]     Dec 11, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I'm not really motivated to work out anymore.
  • Sorostitute 2: You need some motivation? Daddy says that there is a direct relationship between how skinny you are and how much money your husband makes. I totally bet you can do at least two hundred more crunches now!

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the only thing more politically charged than this election is the tri-delt house

68 [+ / -]     Oct 29, 2008

  • Girl: That's weird that we're going to have a new president in a week.
  • Sorostitute: I know! I wonder who's running? Will she be younger, I guess? Our sorority needs a new president.
  • Girl: Um, I mean of the United States.

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she's counting herself twice, which leaves two people

60 [+ / -]     Oct 03, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: You have way too many guys. How many people are in love with you?
  • Sorostitute 2: Including me? Four.

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everyone loves a cougar

7 [+ / -]     Sep 28, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Sometimes our house mother comes to the socials.
  • Sorostitute 2: Really? Ohmigod, old people are gross.

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"...i hold it sideways so it smiles at me"

106 [+ / -]     Sep 18, 2008

  • Fratty: (looking at a paper he just got back) So, everyone else got a number grade on their papers, mine just has a backwards C on it with a line.
  • Girl: Um, that's actually a D.
  • Fratty: (genuinely happy) Oh... solid!

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so in other words, just like a normal friday night

19 [+ / -]     Sep 17, 2008

  • Freshman Dude 1: Ok, so what exactly is hazing?
  • Freshman Dude 2: Well, basically it's when they strip you down naked in the middle of downtown.

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oh, that one!

77 [+ / -]     Sep 04, 2008

  • Girl on cell: Yeah, we're right by the frat house... the one with the white columns.

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that is definitely on the list of warning signs

66 [+ / -]     Sep 03, 2008

  • Girl: Ugh, I couldn't sleep at all last night. I think it's because I was sober.

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there may be better options for getting your abdominal workout

59 [+ / -]     Aug 26, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, we took a bunch of pledges out last night. They were throwing up in the frat house, they were throwing up on the floor, they were throwing up on the elevator...
  • (pauses)
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, it was really fun.

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after which he can finally earn his closet homosexuality merit badge

-51 [+ / -]     Jul 09, 2008

  • (A gaggle of ballcaps is walking by Trappeze)
  • Ballcap: My goal is for, by the end of pledge-ship, that every pledge see my entire cock and balls.

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we're guessing that isn't saying much

73 [+ / -]     Jun 16, 2008

  • Sorostitute: I mean, my date was a little too smart for me. He wore glasses.

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#14   there might be a good reason for the memory loss

54 [+ / -]     Jun 13, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Me and Kim were talking and we're both tired of you blacking out and getting thrown out of the bar.
  • Fratty: Please! I can't remember the last time I got thrown out of a bar.

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royalty works a bit differently in the south

65 [+ / -]     Jun 04, 2008

  • Drunk Sorostitute: So where are you from?
  • Drunk Guy 1: Oh, I'm the Prince of Dubai.
  • Drunk Sorostitute: Oh, what about you? Where are you from?
  • Drunk guy 2: Texas.
  • Drunk Sorostitute: No way! You're from texas?! How exciting! Me too!

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it's always more fun when it's a surprise

83 [+ / -]     May 27, 2008

  • Drunk Sorostitute: Dixeland Sweet Tea, please!
  • Bartender: 5 dollars.
  • Drunk Sorostitute: What's in it?
  • Bartender: We're not supposed to tell.
  • Drunk Sorostitute: It's ok, I won't remember tomorrow, I was just wondering how fucked up I'm going to be.

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maybe you should aim a little higher

50 [+ / -]     May 20, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Formal is going to be so much fun. It is like, my dream to have my whole sorority come to my hometown and get shitfaced.

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"...and we're not gonna get sweaty, are we?"

82 [+ / -]     May 16, 2008

  • (At an intramural softball game)
  • Umpire: Okay, ladies, all jewelry needs to be removed.
  • Sorostitute: Um, does that include pearls?

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did you cover that in women's studies?

17 [+ / -]     May 16, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1:She needs to just admit that she's a slut.
  • Sorostitute 2: I know. I've woken up in strange guys beds with serious bruises and I've never cried rape.

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some people like to do it at denny's, apparently

22 [+ / -]     May 15, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I have your dress, I washed it.
  • Sorostitute 2: Why did you wash it? Are there jizz stains on it?
  • Sorostitute 1: No! I just washed it so it would be clean.
  • Sorostitute 2: Whatever. If I find white crusties on my dress, I'll know it was you.
  • Sorostitute 1: If you find white crusties on your dress, I'm 99 percent positive it's ranch.

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he might have spoken a little too soon

110 [+ / -]     May 14, 2008

  • Fratty 1: Dude, it was a guy!
  • Fratty 2: Naw, man you're full of shit!
  • Fratty 1: Dude, I'm telling you, it was a guy!
  • Fratty 2: Naw, naw. It wasn't a guy!
  • Fratty 1: Dude, I swear to fuckin' God, it was a guy.
  • Fratty 2: What the fuck do you know? You're full of shit!
  • Fratty 1: No, dude, I swear to God, you were making out with a guy! You can ask anybody there.
  • (Fratty 2 begins to vomit)
  • Fratty 1: Dude, don't worry about it. Nobody knows, and I'm not going to tell anybody.
  • Fratty 2: Dude, you're a good friend.

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uga transit's been meaning to relabel those things for years

49 [+ / -]     May 12, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Crap! This bus is going the wrong way!
  • (She pulls the stop cord)
  • Sorostitute 2: This bus always goes this way!
  • Sorostitute 1: Why isn't the bus stopping? I pulled the cord!
  • Sorostitute 2: I don't think that's what it's for, but it does seem to piss the drivers off.

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the scary thing is it's plural

61 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Fratty: (to girl) Well, it was good to see you again. Good luck with your STDs.

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a veritable jolly rancher

62 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Drunk Sorostitute: (to bartender) I want something cheap, but bursting with flavor.
  • Annoyed woman next to her: I bet your ass is cheap but bursting with flavor.

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but look how well it's holding up that broken table leg

-10 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2008

  • Sorostitute: This is a really good book, I think I'm going to keep it.
  • Fratty: Did you read any of it?
  • Sorostitute: No.

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but look how well it's holding up that broken table leg

-10 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2008

  • Sorostitute: This is a really good book, I think I'm going to keep it.
  • Fratty: Did you read any of it?
  • Sorostitute: No.

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no need for a caption here... bike cop did it for us

183 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Officer, that bouncer won't give me my fake ID back!
  • Bike Cop: Really? Well, can I have your real ID?
  • (She hands it over)
  • Bike Cop: Sit on the curb right here. HOPE scholarship? I gotta stop playing the lottery.

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in a galaxy far far away, fratties invade geekdom

-23 [+ / -]     Apr 28, 2008

  • Fratty 1: (answers cell phone) Hey Obi-Wan!
  • Fratty 2: Isn't that a Star Wars reference?
  • Fratty 3: Yeah, it is.
  • Fratty 2: Wow! He's ballin'!

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#8   college is about learning to cope

84 [+ / -]     Apr 27, 2008

  • Fratty: I black out every time I drink, I've decided it's just part of drinking now.
  • Sorostitute: Um, that's not normal!
  • Fratty: I'm okay with it, lets take a shot.

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#8   college is about learning to cope

84 [+ / -]     Apr 27, 2008

  • Fratty: I black out every time I drink, I've decided it's just part of drinking now.
  • Sorostitute: Um, that's not normal!
  • Fratty: I'm okay with it, lets take a shot.

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beer and wine are on aisle 3

53 [+ / -]     Apr 24, 2008

  • (At the Kroger deli)
  • Sorostitute 1: You know what would make this shopping trip more fun?
  • Sorostitute 2: Being drunk?
  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, probably.

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why don't we go out and celebrate the accomplishment?

37 [+ / -]     Apr 23, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, you do go out a lot.
  • Sorostitute 2: Hey, I haven't been out all week!
  • Sorostitute 1: Umm, it's Tuesday.

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introducing the new dumbass diet

-59 [+ / -]     Apr 22, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Yeah, I want to get the Bacon Cheese Burger. But I don't want, like, the lettuce and tomato and mayo and stuff.
  • Waitress: So, just the meat and the cheese?
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, and bacon.

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isn't there a country song about this?

93 [+ / -]     Apr 18, 2008

  • (Waiting in line to get in the club)
  • Sorostitute 1: I love low rise jeans, like when I dance, all the guys see my thong. It's like a magnet.
  • Sorostitute 2: Um yeah, I've noticed. Pull your shirt over, you can see your bra strap.
  • Sorostitute 1: Oh my god! I knew I shouldn't have worn this shirt. Like, showing your bra is the tackiest thing. Let's go, I need to change.

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next week on "to catch a predator..."

16 [+ / -]     Apr 15, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Okay, so you don't think he is cute at all?
  • Sorostitute 2: No, not at all. He looks like a little boy.
  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, I like that!

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good thing you can just buy new ones

38 [+ / -]     Apr 15, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: They swore me to secrecy, but since they're not my friends anymore I'm telling everyone.
  • Sorostitute 2: Yeah, fuck them.

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or perhaps your brain leaking out

-19 [+ / -]     Apr 14, 2008

  • Sorostitute: (cleaning ear) Oh my god, I thought I was having, like, fucked up ear wax. But then I realized it was just spray tan.

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but does it have a full qwerty keyboard?

52 [+ / -]     Apr 14, 2008

  • Fratty: I'm so pissed. I just talked to my mom. My dumbass sister had a V3 Razr for six months, loses it on a trip to DC, and my parents by her a new Blackberry. I told them that I want a new phone, too.
  • Girl: Dude, you drive a Lexus.

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a real man would suck it up and complete the cycle

14 [+ / -]     Apr 13, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: And then i told Gary that if even if we slept together he would still be my rebound guy. But he said he didnt even want to hook up with me anyways.
  • Sorostitute 2: Wait, why?
  • Sorostitute 1: He said it's because i've slept with three fourths of the house already and I just told him that was none of his business. And I mean, even if it was true...
  • Sorostitute 3: Which it is...
  • Sorostitute 1: Whatever. He shouldn't care. It's not a bad thing, is it?

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who ever said doing chores was no fun?

135 [+ / -]     Apr 10, 2008

  • Girl: What are you doing Friday night?
  • Sorostitute: I'm having sex.
  • Girl: With who?
  • Sorostitute: I'm not sure. I'm down to three choices.
  • Girl: Oh, like a to-do list.

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when a mommy cow and a daddy cow love each other very much...

89 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Where do cows come from?
  • (Her date stares blankly)
  • Sorostitute: I mean, I know they come from the mommy cow, duh, but you know how a horse and a donkey make a mule... where do cows come from?

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daddy knows best

153 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: (picking up newspaper) Don't all of these sexual harassment articles make you want to sleep with a professor?
  • Sorostitute 2: Well, my dad made me promise not to last time I was at home.

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the classic "more money than brain cells" phenomenon

74 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I don't know if I want to donate to HERO percentage night or Greek Week percentage night. Where does the Greek Week money go to?
  • Sorostitute 2: Habitat For Humanity.
  • Sorostitute 1: Oh, ok, well I like animals so I'll donate to Habitat For Humanity.

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"...i thought i didn't smell something"

35 [