Quotes Filed Under "Greek Life"


so, sometime between rush and rehab

31 [+ / -]     Jul 26, 2010

  • Employee: So, when does school start?
  • Sorostitute: Oh, I don't know when school starts. But I know when Rush starts!

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police are on the lookout for a bunch of drunk sorority girls

-20 [+ / -]     May 17, 2010

  • Sorostitute: Yeah, we robbed a liquor store last weekend. It was awesome.
  • Fratty: That's badass.

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or you could facebook stalk me later

12 [+ / -]     Mar 04, 2010

  • Drunk Girl: Do you want my number so you can creepily text me?

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what is the world coming to?

64 [+ / -]     Feb 17, 2010

  • Sorostitute: It's just so strange that there are Greek groups based on like, majors and stuff.
  • Guy: Yeah, a sisterhood based on common goals instead of daddy's payroll or pants sizes? What?

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your ass is still gigantic, though

22 [+ / -]     Oct 09, 2009

  • Sorostitute 1: Can you tell I've lost weight?
  • Sorostitute 2: It's hard to tell in that dress. Oh wait... I can definitely see it in your ribs.

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and then we throw them in volcanoes

128 [+ / -]     Oct 07, 2009

  • Girl: Why are all those sorority girls wearing white dresses?
  • Bus Driver: It's bid day. They have to pretend they're virgins.

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a winning philosophy

-49 [+ / -]     Aug 28, 2009

  • (Walking out of philosophy class)
  • Sorostitute: Ohmigod! We are like, Greek, and Aristotle and Plato are like, Greek!
  • Fratty: Haha, yeah they were!
  • Sorostitute: So that means we are like the same! Haha, cool, philosophy makes so much more sense now!
  • Fratty: See, the Greeks always win.

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is it cock blocking if he never stood a chance?

117 [+ / -]     Apr 08, 2009

  • (After a drunk guy tries to grab a girl, her friend steps in)
  • Drunk Guy: You're cock blocking!
  • Girl's Friend: You're ugly!

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let's get fiscal

154 [+ / -]     Dec 11, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I'm not really motivated to work out anymore.
  • Sorostitute 2: You need some motivation? Daddy says that there is a direct relationship between how skinny you are and how much money your husband makes. I totally bet you can do at least two hundred more crunches now!

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the only thing more politically charged than this election is the tri-delt house

76 [+ / -]     Oct 29, 2008

  • Girl: That's weird that we're going to have a new president in a week.
  • Sorostitute: I know! I wonder who's running? Will she be younger, I guess? Our sorority needs a new president.
  • Girl: Um, I mean of the United States.

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she's counting herself twice, which leaves two people

60 [+ / -]     Oct 03, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: You have way too many guys. How many people are in love with you?
  • Sorostitute 2: Including me? Four.

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everyone loves a cougar

10 [+ / -]     Sep 28, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Sometimes our house mother comes to the socials.
  • Sorostitute 2: Really? Ohmigod, old people are gross.

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"...i hold it sideways so it smiles at me"

107 [+ / -]     Sep 18, 2008

  • Fratty: (looking at a paper he just got back) So, everyone else got a number grade on their papers, mine just has a backwards C on it with a line.
  • Girl: Um, that's actually a D.
  • Fratty: (genuinely happy) Oh... solid!

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so in other words, just like a normal friday night

21 [+ / -]     Sep 17, 2008

  • Freshman Dude 1: Ok, so what exactly is hazing?
  • Freshman Dude 2: Well, basically it's when they strip you down naked in the middle of downtown.

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oh, that one!

83 [+ / -]     Sep 04, 2008

  • Girl on cell: Yeah, we're right by the frat house... the one with the white columns.

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that is definitely on the list of warning signs

66 [+ / -]     Sep 03, 2008

  • Girl: Ugh, I couldn't sleep at all last night. I think it's because I was sober.

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there may be better options for getting your abdominal workout

61 [+ / -]     Aug 26, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, we took a bunch of pledges out last night. They were throwing up in the frat house, they were throwing up on the floor, they were throwing up on the elevator...
  • (pauses)
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, it was really fun.

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after which he can finally earn his closet homosexuality merit badge

-53 [+ / -]     Jul 09, 2008

  • (A gaggle of ballcaps is walking by Trappeze)
  • Ballcap: My goal is for, by the end of pledge-ship, that every pledge see my entire cock and balls.

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we're guessing that isn't saying much

74 [+ / -]     Jun 16, 2008

  • Sorostitute: I mean, my date was a little too smart for me. He wore glasses.

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#14   there might be a good reason for the memory loss

60 [+ / -]     Jun 13, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Me and Kim were talking and we're both tired of you blacking out and getting thrown out of the bar.
  • Fratty: Please! I can't remember the last time I got thrown out of a bar.

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royalty works a bit differently in the south

69 [+ / -]     Jun 04, 2008

  • Drunk Sorostitute: So where are you from?
  • Drunk Guy 1: Oh, I'm the Prince of Dubai.
  • Drunk Sorostitute: Oh, what about you? Where are you from?
  • Drunk guy 2: Texas.
  • Drunk Sorostitute: No way! You're from texas?! How exciting! Me too!

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it's always more fun when it's a surprise

86 [+ / -]     May 27, 2008

  • Drunk Sorostitute: Dixeland Sweet Tea, please!
  • Bartender: 5 dollars.
  • Drunk Sorostitute: What's in it?
  • Bartender: We're not supposed to tell.
  • Drunk Sorostitute: It's ok, I won't remember tomorrow, I was just wondering how fucked up I'm going to be.

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maybe you should aim a little higher

50 [+ / -]     May 20, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Formal is going to be so much fun. It is like, my dream to have my whole sorority come to my hometown and get shitfaced.

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"...and we're not gonna get sweaty, are we?"

83 [+ / -]     May 16, 2008

  • (At an intramural softball game)
  • Umpire: Okay, ladies, all jewelry needs to be removed.
  • Sorostitute: Um, does that include pearls?

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did you cover that in women's studies?

20 [+ / -]     May 16, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1:She needs to just admit that she's a slut.
  • Sorostitute 2: I know. I've woken up in strange guys beds with serious bruises and I've never cried rape.

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some people like to do it at denny's, apparently

22 [+ / -]     May 15, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I have your dress, I washed it.
  • Sorostitute 2: Why did you wash it? Are there jizz stains on it?
  • Sorostitute 1: No! I just washed it so it would be clean.
  • Sorostitute 2: Whatever. If I find white crusties on my dress, I'll know it was you.
  • Sorostitute 1: If you find white crusties on your dress, I'm 99 percent positive it's ranch.

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he might have spoken a little too soon

113 [+ / -]     May 14, 2008

  • Fratty 1: Dude, it was a guy!
  • Fratty 2: Naw, man you're full of shit!
  • Fratty 1: Dude, I'm telling you, it was a guy!
  • Fratty 2: Naw, naw. It wasn't a guy!
  • Fratty 1: Dude, I swear to fuckin' God, it was a guy.
  • Fratty 2: What the fuck do you know? You're full of shit!
  • Fratty 1: No, dude, I swear to God, you were making out with a guy! You can ask anybody there.
  • (Fratty 2 begins to vomit)
  • Fratty 1: Dude, don't worry about it. Nobody knows, and I'm not going to tell anybody.
  • Fratty 2: Dude, you're a good friend.

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uga transit's been meaning to relabel those things for years

51 [+ / -]     May 12, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Crap! This bus is going the wrong way!
  • (She pulls the stop cord)
  • Sorostitute 2: This bus always goes this way!
  • Sorostitute 1: Why isn't the bus stopping? I pulled the cord!
  • Sorostitute 2: I don't think that's what it's for, but it does seem to piss the drivers off.

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the scary thing is it's plural

61 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Fratty: (to girl) Well, it was good to see you again. Good luck with your STDs.

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a veritable jolly rancher

64 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Drunk Sorostitute: (to bartender) I want something cheap, but bursting with flavor.
  • Annoyed woman next to her: I bet your ass is cheap but bursting with flavor.

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but look how well it's holding up that broken table leg

-10 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2008

  • Sorostitute: This is a really good book, I think I'm going to keep it.
  • Fratty: Did you read any of it?
  • Sorostitute: No.

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but look how well it's holding up that broken table leg

-10 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2008

  • Sorostitute: This is a really good book, I think I'm going to keep it.
  • Fratty: Did you read any of it?
  • Sorostitute: No.

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no need for a caption here... bike cop did it for us

191 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Officer, that bouncer won't give me my fake ID back!
  • Bike Cop: Really? Well, can I have your real ID?
  • (She hands it over)
  • Bike Cop: Sit on the curb right here. HOPE scholarship? I gotta stop playing the lottery.

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in a galaxy far far away, fratties invade geekdom

-25 [+ / -]     Apr 28, 2008

  • Fratty 1: (answers cell phone) Hey Obi-Wan!
  • Fratty 2: Isn't that a Star Wars reference?
  • Fratty 3: Yeah, it is.
  • Fratty 2: Wow! He's ballin'!

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#8   college is about learning to cope

84 [+ / -]     Apr 27, 2008

  • Fratty: I black out every time I drink, I've decided it's just part of drinking now.
  • Sorostitute: Um, that's not normal!
  • Fratty: I'm okay with it, lets take a shot.

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#8   college is about learning to cope

84 [+ / -]     Apr 27, 2008

  • Fratty: I black out every time I drink, I've decided it's just part of drinking now.
  • Sorostitute: Um, that's not normal!
  • Fratty: I'm okay with it, lets take a shot.

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beer and wine are on aisle 3

53 [+ / -]     Apr 24, 2008

  • (At the Kroger deli)
  • Sorostitute 1: You know what would make this shopping trip more fun?
  • Sorostitute 2: Being drunk?
  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, probably.

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why don't we go out and celebrate the accomplishment?

38 [+ / -]     Apr 23, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, you do go out a lot.
  • Sorostitute 2: Hey, I haven't been out all week!
  • Sorostitute 1: Umm, it's Tuesday.

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introducing the new dumbass diet

-57 [+ / -]     Apr 22, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Yeah, I want to get the Bacon Cheese Burger. But I don't want, like, the lettuce and tomato and mayo and stuff.
  • Waitress: So, just the meat and the cheese?
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, and bacon.

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isn't there a country song about this?

95 [+ / -]     Apr 18, 2008

  • (Waiting in line to get in the club)
  • Sorostitute 1: I love low rise jeans, like when I dance, all the guys see my thong. It's like a magnet.
  • Sorostitute 2: Um yeah, I've noticed. Pull your shirt over, you can see your bra strap.
  • Sorostitute 1: Oh my god! I knew I shouldn't have worn this shirt. Like, showing your bra is the tackiest thing. Let's go, I need to change.

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next week on "to catch a predator..."

17 [+ / -]     Apr 15, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Okay, so you don't think he is cute at all?
  • Sorostitute 2: No, not at all. He looks like a little boy.
  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, I like that!

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good thing you can just buy new ones

38 [+ / -]     Apr 15, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: They swore me to secrecy, but since they're not my friends anymore I'm telling everyone.
  • Sorostitute 2: Yeah, fuck them.

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or perhaps your brain leaking out

-18 [+ / -]     Apr 14, 2008

  • Sorostitute: (cleaning ear) Oh my god, I thought I was having, like, fucked up ear wax. But then I realized it was just spray tan.

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but does it have a full qwerty keyboard?

55 [+ / -]     Apr 14, 2008

  • Fratty: I'm so pissed. I just talked to my mom. My dumbass sister had a V3 Razr for six months, loses it on a trip to DC, and my parents by her a new Blackberry. I told them that I want a new phone, too.
  • Girl: Dude, you drive a Lexus.

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a real man would suck it up and complete the cycle

16 [+ / -]     Apr 13, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: And then i told Gary that if even if we slept together he would still be my rebound guy. But he said he didnt even want to hook up with me anyways.
  • Sorostitute 2: Wait, why?
  • Sorostitute 1: He said it's because i've slept with three fourths of the house already and I just told him that was none of his business. And I mean, even if it was true...
  • Sorostitute 3: Which it is...
  • Sorostitute 1: Whatever. He shouldn't care. It's not a bad thing, is it?

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who ever said doing chores was no fun?

137 [+ / -]     Apr 10, 2008

  • Girl: What are you doing Friday night?
  • Sorostitute: I'm having sex.
  • Girl: With who?
  • Sorostitute: I'm not sure. I'm down to three choices.
  • Girl: Oh, like a to-do list.

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when a mommy cow and a daddy cow love each other very much...

90 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Where do cows come from?
  • (Her date stares blankly)
  • Sorostitute: I mean, I know they come from the mommy cow, duh, but you know how a horse and a donkey make a mule... where do cows come from?

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daddy knows best

154 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: (picking up newspaper) Don't all of these sexual harassment articles make you want to sleep with a professor?
  • Sorostitute 2: Well, my dad made me promise not to last time I was at home.

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the classic "more money than brain cells" phenomenon

75 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I don't know if I want to donate to HERO percentage night or Greek Week percentage night. Where does the Greek Week money go to?
  • Sorostitute 2: Habitat For Humanity.
  • Sorostitute 1: Oh, ok, well I like animals so I'll donate to Habitat For Humanity.

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"...i thought i didn't smell something"

37 [+ / -]     Apr 08, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Your hair looks nice today. Did you do something different?
  • Sorostitute 2: I washed it.
  • Sorostitute 1: Oooh. That's new.

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introducing the new celibacy diet

21 [+ / -]     Apr 07, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Oh my gosh, I can't even get this size 9 all the way on, I've gotten so big. It's my hips! Ugh, no more sex for me.

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high-roller suite, anyone?

22 [+ / -]     Apr 06, 2008

  • (On Marta going northbound, in an older, rundown train)
  • Fratty: Damn, this must be the VIP train... it smells like ass in here.

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this moment brought to you by hallmark

139 [+ / -]     Apr 04, 2008

  • Sorostitute on Cell: So, I just went out and bought one of those singing cards. Yeah the ones where a song plays when it opens. Anyways, when he sees it I hope he forgives me for sleeping with that guy from last night, 'cause like, I really think I love him.

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why do they always have to play the race card?

162 [+ / -]     Apr 02, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Here is my ID.
  • Bouncer: Um, I can't let you in with this ID.
  • Sorostitute: What? I mean, come on, I know it says that girl is 21, what is wrong with it?
  • Bouncer: Well it's a black girl and you are white.

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speed kills... brain cells

94 [+ / -]     Apr 02, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I got a speeding ticket the other day! Ohmigod, I swear he was making it up! I was not going that fast.
  • Sorostitute 2: How fast we're you going?
  • Sorostitute 1: Well, he said I was going 65 but I know I wasn't going that far over fifty.
  • Sorostitute 2: What was the speed limit?
  • Sorostitute 1: I think 25.

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oh of course not, silly goose!

123 [+ / -]     Mar 31, 2008

  • Fratty 1: Dude, sorry I never called you back last night.
  • Fratty 2: It's okay, I just ended up watching a movie.
  • Fratty 1: You didn't watch Ratatouille yet, did you!?

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dear penthouse, i hooked up with pooh bear...

134 [+ / -]     Mar 29, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Even after I showered this morning I still felt sticky, and worse, there's honey all over my sheets now.

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good luck with the etymology final

77 [+ / -]     Mar 26, 2008

  • Fratty: So what's your major?
  • Girl: Horticulture.
  • Fratty: So... does that mean you're gonna be a prostitute or something?

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daddy should buy you a short bus

-84 [+ / -]     Mar 23, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Hey girl, did I tell you? I wrecked my car.
  • Sorostitute 2: Wait... you mean you wrecked your new car?
  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, but that's okay 'cause daddy's buying me another one this weekend.

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the infamous fratty-one-two-punch™

100 [+ / -]     Mar 21, 2008

  • Fratty: So how's the baby?
  • Sorostitute: What do you mean? I'm not pregnant!
  • Fratty: Well, you will be after formal.

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the infamous fratty-one-two-punch™

100 [+ / -]     Mar 21, 2008

  • Fratty: So how's the baby?
  • Sorostitute: What do you mean? I'm not pregnant!
  • Fratty: Well, you will be after formal.

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"...thankfully, my honesty makes up for it"

138 [+ / -]     Mar 21, 2008

  • Teacher: Why and how do we choose mates? How would you choose your mate?
  • Sorostitute: Well I'm pretty shallow, so probably attractiveness.

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a family that cheats together stays together

89 [+ / -]     Mar 20, 2008

  • (A family is leaving Terrell Hall after visiting the admissions office with their newly admitted daughter)
  • Future sorostitute: So daddy... are you going to write all of my essays for me?

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my babysitter is awesome, though

182 [+ / -]     Mar 17, 2008

  • Fratty 1: I was out in Atlanta this past weekend, and all the guys there were sporting blazers. I really need to get one of those.
  • Fratty 2: Yeah, I want to get one of those blazers too. But I mean, I can't really get one yet, you know? I'm not mature enough right now, like, I still puke on myself sometimes.

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a little too soon, apparently

30 [+ / -]     Mar 09, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Woo-hoo Spring break 2008!
  • Sorostitute 2: Yeah, SP08!
  • Sorostitute 1: Like, isn't it SB08 or something?
  • Sorostitute 2: I don't know, whatever... class is over!

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"...well then i'm ready to go!"

-35 [+ / -]     Mar 08, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: If I wear these boots with this skirt does it make me look like a hooker?
  • Sorostitute 2: Umm... yeah, it does.

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"...well i had some quarters, but i couldn't find the damn meter"

189 [+ / -]     Mar 07, 2008

  • (Fratty is getting a parking ticket on campus)
  • Fratty: Hey, sorry about that. That's my fraternity house right there and I just parked her for a minute so if you could take this back, that would be awesome and I'll move my car.
  • Parking Services Lady: Honey, I truly am sorry, but it's printed now, and there isn't anything I can do. But you have a good day honey.
  • (She walks a few steps and turns)
  • Parking Services Lady: Actually, baby, you ain't gonna have a good day. I don't know if you've opened that, but that's a $40 ticket right there.

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there's a trailer park in florida that just got it's flair back

95 [+ / -]     Mar 06, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Did you read the article about Alpha Gam's flamingos getting stolen?
  • Sorostitute 2: I mean, I only took two of the flamingos. I don't know what happened to the rest of them.

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i always seem to miss that aisle at the local hobby lobby

24 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2008

  • Fratty: So I'm thinking of experimenting with drugs this summer.
  • Sorostitute: Uh, why?
  • Fratty: Dunno, I feel like I need a hobby.

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i always seem to miss that aisle at the local hobby lobby

24 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2008

  • Fratty: So I'm thinking of experimenting with drugs this summer.
  • Sorostitute: Uh, why?
  • Fratty: Dunno, I feel like I need a hobby.

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better stock up on plan C while you're at it

84 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Where are you going for spring break?
  • Sorostitute 2: Europe to see my friends who are studying abroad in Italy. I'm actually really excited about it.
  • Sorostitute 1: Ohmigod! Fun! What are you gonna do?
  • Sorostitute 2: Lots of sex! I can't wait! I was actually just on my way to the health center to stock up on Plan B. I'm just gonna get a bunch of it and take it with me 'cause I know I'll be doin' it alot!

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baby, i wanna lay tangent to your curves

205 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2008

  • Sorostitute: It's not that I don't like going down on a guy. It's just there are other things I'd rather be doing.
  • Fratty: Like what?
  • Sorostitute: I dunno... math homework.

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baby, i wanna lay tangent to your curves

205 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2008

  • Sorostitute: It's not that I don't like going down on a guy. It's just there are other things I'd rather be doing.
  • Fratty: Like what?
  • Sorostitute: I dunno... math homework.

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funny, that's what number five and six both said...

87 [+ / -]     Mar 04, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: (practically yelling) Ohmigod, Friday was so wild! I made out with six guys. Seven if you count the guy from the morning before.
  • Sorostitute 2: Uh... maybe you shouldn't say that so loud.

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you know, i hate it when you interrupt me. so rude.

88 [+ / -]     Mar 03, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I was on the phone with my dad and he was complaining about how he just put almost $200 in my account for sorority dues and my sister's getting married and all this other stuff about money. He said I was just being...
  • Sorostitute 2: Omigod! Selfish? That's what they always say. I just don't get it.

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"...but my pillow was in the bag!"

61 [+ / -]     Mar 02, 2008

  • (On an elevator two minutes before the class period begins)
  • Fratty 1: (looks at his shoulders) I forgot my backpack!
  • Fratty 2: It's okay. You're just going to fall asleep anyway.

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the fake one will be just fine

98 [+ / -]     Mar 01, 2008

  • Librarian: I'm going to have to see some form of ID.
  • Sorostitute: What do you mean by ID?
  • Librarian: Your ass crack, what else?

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...and al gore dies a little inside

149 [+ / -]     Feb 29, 2008

  • Professor: These greenhouse gases are fueling global warming. In order for us to be able to limit the effects of global warming we must reduce greenhouse gas emission.
  • Sorostitute: That is incredible.
  • Fratty: What?
  • Sorostitute: I can't believe there are that many greenhouses.

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we're sure he's the first to think of this one

-27 [+ / -]     Feb 29, 2008

  • Fratty 1: Did you really just have a class in Brumby?
  • Fratty 2: Yeah.
  • Fratty 1: What was it? Women's Studies?
  • Fratty 2: No, anatomy.

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millions of collar-popping babies, that is

56 [+ / -]     Feb 28, 2008

  • Fratty 1: I'm so broke right now. I need to figure out an easy way to make some money.
  • Fratty 2: You could go donate at a sperm bank.
  • Fratty 1: How much do you think they pay?
  • Fratty 2: I don't know, probably like $50 per load.
  • Fratty 1: Dude, I could make millions!

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why not just subcontract it out to a geek?

-44 [+ / -]     Feb 26, 2008

  • Fratty: Yeah, one of my teachers requires 50 hours of research for his class.
  • Sorostitute: That is stupid.
  • Fratty: Yeah, I know. Who in their right mind would look through an actual book for research, much less for 50 hours?

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why not just subcontract it out to a geek?

-44 [+ / -]     Feb 26, 2008

  • Fratty: Yeah, one of my teachers requires 50 hours of research for his class.
  • Sorostitute: That is stupid.
  • Fratty: Yeah, I know. Who in their right mind would look through an actual book for research, much less for 50 hours?

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a close call for the gene pool

81 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2008

  • Sorostitue: Yes! I just started my period, this means I not pregnant. Only time I'm ever happy this happens. Fuck yes, I'm not pregnant!

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"...i'm the one who always has the confused look"

274 [+ / -]     Feb 21, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Wow! How tall are you?
  • Giant Fratty: Five foot, sixteen inches.
  • Sorostitute: (after a pause) Heh heh, oh, so you're six foot one.
  • Giant Fratty: Uh, riiiight. I know you from somewhere.
  • Sorostitute: I'm in your calculus class!

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"...i'm the one who always has the confused look"

274 [+ / -]     Feb 21, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Wow! How tall are you?
  • Giant Fratty: Five foot, sixteen inches.
  • Sorostitute: (after a pause) Heh heh, oh, so you're six foot one.
  • Giant Fratty: Uh, riiiight. I know you from somewhere.
  • Sorostitute: I'm in your calculus class!

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"...besides the one downtown?"

122 [+ / -]     Feb 20, 2008

  • Sorostitute: What's that huge building?
  • Girl: The library.
  • Sorostitute: We have a library?

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