Quotes Filed Under "Pwn!"


for his sake, let's hope ass kicking is on that list

20 [+ / -]     May 14, 2008

  • Guy: Every woman wants to be a man.
  • Girl: No, I'm happy being a girl, we get away with stuff and get out of stuff so much easier!
  • Guy: Yeah, like voting, rights, driving, and good decision making.

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nurse strangled with stethoscope, story at 11:00

66 [+ / -]     May 14, 2008

  • Nurse: Doctor, I found a pair of panties in the hallway, and I think they might be yours.
  • Doctor: Haha, that's a good one.
  • Nurse: No, really. You know why I think they're yours?
  • Doctor: Okay, why?
  • Nurse: Because they were in a wad.

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damn it feels good to be a gangster

21 [+ / -]     May 13, 2008

  • This is what happens to printers that stop working when I have to print an important paper.

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the scary thing is it's plural

46 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Fratty: (to girl) Well, it was good to see you again. Good luck with your STDs.

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a veritable jolly rancher

46 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Drunk Sorostitute: (to bartender) I want something cheap, but bursting with flavor.
  • Annoyed woman next to her: I bet your ass is cheap but bursting with flavor.

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"compassionate" was not on the word list

5 [+ / -]     May 08, 2008

  • Guy: How was your spelling bee?
  • Kid: It was good, some guy had to spell "medulla oblongata."
  • Guy: Did you have spell medulla oblongata?
  • Kid's Mom: No, he pooped out at "bracelet."

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that explains the clear heels

59 [+ / -]     May 05, 2008

  • Out-of-towner: Man, I totally woke up this morning and realized I lost 100 fuckin' bucks last night!
  • Fratty: Maybe you should stop drinking so much, man.
  • Out-of-towner: That's the thing, I didn't go out... I invited this girl over that I met the other night and I think she stole from me when she left this morning.
  • Fratty: Bitch! Where'd you meet her?
  • Out-of-towner: In front of like Pita Pit and some place called Toppers.

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i'll take "drunk insults" for $400, alex.

55 [+ / -]     May 05, 2008

  • Guy 1: Hey, you getting arrested?
  • Guy 2: (standing next to squad car) Go fuck yourself, man.
  • Guy 3: Well, that answers that question.

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9/10 biblical scholars agree. the 10th is from alabama.

43 [+ / -]     May 04, 2008

  • Girlfriend: You need a haircut.
  • Boyfriend: Jesus didn't need haircuts.
  • Girlfriend: Jesus didn't have a mullet!

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pea, meet pod

82 [+ / -]     May 04, 2008

  • Guy 1: Man there are a lot of dumb people in this town.
  • (Guy 1 walks into a street sign)
  • Guy 1: Ouch!
  • Guy 2: And you just became a statistic.

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your 11 o'clock is on line 1

36 [+ / -]     May 03, 2008

  • (Guy walks over to Sorostitute sitting down in armchair, they kiss)
  • Sorostitute: Bye, see you later!
  • (Guy walks away, her phone rings)
  • Sorostitute: Hey baby!

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parents have their homework, too

68 [+ / -]     May 02, 2008

  • Girl on Cell: I'm going to the library, mom.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on Cell: No, not the bar. The UGA library. Wait, why do you know about the bar called The Library?

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help me find my contact!

38 [+ / -]     May 02, 2008

  • My friend when she found out that Pita Pit was closed.

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hey dude, you forgot your purse

-39 [+ / -]     May 01, 2008

  • Right before being hit -- he has no idea.

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we're guessing that wouldn't take long

-14 [+ / -]     Apr 30, 2008

  • Drunk guy: Hey, you look like the lead singer of Led Zeppelin!
  • Homeless woman: You don't wanna fuck with me tonight.
  • Drunk guy: I'll knock the rest of your teeth out, bitch!

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