Quotes Filed Under "Welcome to the south"


translation: "i can't read"

3 [+ / -]     Aug 18, 2010

  • Redneck 1: Well, you know I went to college, but I couldn't write the papers.
  • Redneck 2: Well, thats okay.
  • Redneck 1: I know, I'm good at that oratory shit... see that's what I learned earlier, I'm good at that oratory shit.

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i doubt anyone will get their photo taken sitting on top of him

9 [+ / -]     Apr 20, 2010

  • I took this photo because this dude was standing where the bulldog statue normally sits, but after I took it I realized he was flicking off the Mormons standing at the Arch across the street.

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i'll take some cheetos, a pack of smokes, and an assault rifle

17 [+ / -]     Mar 21, 2010

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and they say we southerners are closed minded

-5 [+ / -]     Feb 23, 2010

  • Server: Do you know what you'd like?
  • Redneck in Camo 1: What's the difference between these soft tacos and these hard tacos?
  • Server: I don't understand.
  • Redneck in Camo 2: The hard ones are like, real tacos, and the soft ones are the real Mexican shit.
  • Redneck in Camo 1: Hell, I'll have one'a each. Git somma dat real shit, heh heh!

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that's how you know you're in georgia

-47 [+ / -]     Jun 21, 2009

  • (A girl is giving another girl a piggyback ride)
  • Guy: Ew, look at those lesbians.
  • Girl: Yeah, and we're sisters, too.
  • Guy: Kinky.

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we've come so far

135 [+ / -]     Mar 04, 2009

  • Drunk sorostitute: Hey guys, this is my friend! She's black!
  • Sober Black Girl: (looks at her skin) Oh, really? Oh, shit! Look at that, I am black! News to me.

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down into the pit with the lions

36 [+ / -]     Feb 18, 2009

  • (Young student is standing on top of the stairs on Baldwin St. preaching the Bible)
  • Sorostitute: What is that guy doing up there?
  • Fratty: Oh he's just one of those God freaks.
  • Sorostitute: I'll give you twenty dollars to push him!

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jill was terrified when she saw it. "bubba can't see this," she screamed.

25 [+ / -]     Feb 10, 2009

  • Car parked in intramural fields. Incase you can't read it, its says "White trash lover" (notice the condoms on the rack). Looks like someone pissed the wrong girl off.

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oh crap... i hear banjos!

165 [+ / -]     Feb 03, 2009

  • Professor: Last wednesday we discussed what a good argument would be for believing that Obama will succeed in office, today it will be the opposite.
  • (Professor waits for hands to go up)
  • Redneck: (eventually raising his hand) Well... he is black.
  • (The entire class looks at him)
  • Redneck: I'm only kidding, for Christ's sake, I was gonna vote for him if he wasn't a liberal... and a Muslim communist extremist.

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his odds improve the further south he goes

132 [+ / -]     Jan 12, 2009

  • Old guy: So is this your boyfriend?
  • Girl: No. This is my best friend.
  • Guy: Yeah. She's like my cousin. And I only say cousin because there's still that chance we could fuck.

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does that mean she was naughty or nice?

56 [+ / -]     Jan 03, 2009

  • (three days before Christmas)
  • Redneck shopper: I'm going to get Madison a whoopee cushion and some spray cheese.

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what if jesus keeps it red forever?

177 [+ / -]     Dec 11, 2008

  • (At a stop light on Broad St)
  • Christian Advocate: (runs up to a car) May I speak to you about our lord Jesus Christ?
  • Guy in Car: You got until this light turns green to convert me. Go!

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we're cool with that as long as that guy isn't there

-3 [+ / -]     Oct 21, 2008

  • Standing outside of the stadium at the vandy game.

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stereotype confirmed

63 [+ / -]     Sep 27, 2008

  • Georgia Fan: Are you guys, like, cousins?
  • Alabama Guy and Girl: How'd you know!?

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pick me! pick me! huh? what do you mean there's no one there? stupid mask.

2 [+ / -]     Sep 20, 2008

  • Apparently, Walmart had a little "fair" that featured wrestling. This guy is wearing a dollar store wrestling championship belt and an awesome mask.

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and he only drinks the champagne of beers

35 [+ / -]     Sep 16, 2008

  • Brunette girl: She called my dad a redneck!
  • Redhead girl: Well, is he a redneck?
  • Brunette girl: Oh, no! He is so far from a redneck. He watches Formula 1, not NASCAR.

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cue the banjo

108 [+ / -]     Sep 15, 2008

  • (Boyfriend and Girlfriend are arguing over who will pay for dinner)
  • Waitress: So... are you two brother and sister?
  • Boyfriend: Brother and sister with benefits.

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he's buying a copy of usa yesterday

26 [+ / -]     Jul 31, 2008

  • This man is obviously waiting for the news that the south is gonna rise again.

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dammit earl, why does fido always get the front seat?

59 [+ / -]     Jun 09, 2008

  • I snapped this while some friends and I were stuck in traffic on 316. You can't tell by this picture but she had a cigarette in one hand and was texting on her phone in the other.

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probably not too far from the truth

237 [+ / -]     May 23, 2008

  • Professor: What does it say at the beginning of the Georgia Constitution?
  • Student: Listen up, y'all.

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a game the whole family can play

-22 [+ / -]     May 20, 2008

  • Young Hippie Girl: I just found out my 15 year old cousin is pregnant.
  • Older Hippie Guy: Yeah? My brother and sister just had a baby.
  • (Pause)
  • Older Hippie Guy: I mean, it was adopted so it's not like, you know, blood, or anything.

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oxford, khaki, penny loafer, and button-down: the four horsemen of the pimpocalypse

-6 [+ / -]     May 19, 2008

  • four bible thumpers preaching about the end of the world in the middle of broad street downtown. it's hard to read, but the sign says "drunkenness is sin."

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if they touch, they might both disappear

54 [+ / -]     May 11, 2008

  • Sorostitute: So she was just like, "Hey, I'm just gonna warn you. I know you're a Republican and that guy is gay... so be careful."

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except that the blood wine thing would get him crazy DUIs

12 [+ / -]     May 10, 2008

  • Bumper sticker on someone's jeep.

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it must be summertime in athens

-9 [+ / -]     May 08, 2008

  • pbr, cheap red wine, vodka soaked watermelon

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it was love at first sight

28 [+ / -]     May 05, 2008

  • Portable guest bedrooms?

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9/10 biblical scholars agree. the 10th is from alabama.

59 [+ / -]     May 04, 2008

  • Girlfriend: You need a haircut.
  • Boyfriend: Jesus didn't need haircuts.
  • Girlfriend: Jesus didn't have a mullet!

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ah, the fine southern art of airbrushing

14 [+ / -]     May 03, 2008

  • On the back of a huge white van driven by an old man wearing overalls.

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a new approach for the drivers of serial killer vans

26 [+ / -]     Apr 30, 2008

  • there's no telling who's locked up in the back of it

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marketing 101: it's always better to have a diversified sales portfolio

71 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2008

  • Sign seen on Cherokee Rd. a few months back leading to some mobile homes

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"...i'm a sucker for butterscotch"

-23 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2008

  • Girl 1: I love the Pope!
  • Girl 2: Wait, I thought you hated Catholics?
  • Girl 1: I do, but I love cute little old men.

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h8n mstrb8n was too long

22 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2008

  • A license plate from a right winger

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9 out of 10 statisticians agree. the 10th one died.

43 [+ / -]     Apr 28, 2008

  • Tate Preacher: Death is the number one killer of all people. Ten out of ten people will die.

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any good southerner will tell you that there's no singular form

120 [+ / -]     Apr 28, 2008

  • (At breakfast)
  • UCLA Gymnastics Coach: Umm... I have just one question before we order. What is a "grit?"

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still waiting for the spaceship with her newest husband

-27 [+ / -]     Apr 14, 2008

  • Sorostitute: I finally figured out how many times I have to get married to beat the family record.
  • Girl: So? How many?
  • Sorostitute: I have to beat 3.
  • Girl: Wow, really?
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, but they don't really count. She was in a cult.

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have you accepted mel gibson as your lord and savior?

-34 [+ / -]     Apr 10, 2008

  • Girl: Have you ever seen The Passion of the Christ?
  • Guy: No.
  • Girl: You're not going to Heaven.

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not to brag or anything

-2 [+ / -]     Apr 08, 2008

  • Old Jewish Man: It only cost 5 million dollars!

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can we go to a church with a tv?

126 [+ / -]     Apr 05, 2008

  • Catholic Guy: I'm missing UGA in the SEC championship basketball finals to come to church right now. You better be glad I like you.
  • Catholic Girl: Excuse me?!
  • Catholic Guy: What? I like Jesus, too. He's just more understanding.

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and the exchange rate sucks

77 [+ / -]     Mar 14, 2008

  • Asian Chick: (shivering) I forget how fucking cold it is in America!
  • Girl: Really? Where are you from?
  • Asian Chick: Texas.

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monday is fair game

104 [+ / -]     Mar 03, 2008

  • Redneck Father: I'm leavin' you.
  • Redneck Son: I'm gonna kill you!
  • Redneck Mother: No killins on Sunday.

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and do your math homework

259 [+ / -]     Feb 21, 2008

  • Brother Micah: Just remember, life can be so much easier if you just trust in these four words... "read your bible!"

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"...c'mere grandma, you're about to get run over by a reindeer"

-40 [+ / -]     Feb 19, 2008

  • Fratty 1: I took shots of whiskey with my mom and grandma on Christmas Eve.
  • Fratty 2: Dude, did you hook up with them?

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crustacean fetishes are apparently more popular than once thought

16 [+ / -]     Feb 18, 2008

  • (Waitress brings plate of crawfish to Girl)
  • Waitress: Do you want me to show you how to eat it?
  • Girl: Sure...
  • Waitress: You rip it in half, grab the meat from the tail, then you suck the head.
  • Guy: That's what she said!

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when i say church, you say state

129 [+ / -]     Feb 11, 2008

  • Professor: Any questions?
  • (class is silent)
  • Professor: Praise the Lord.
  • (class is silent)
  • Professor: When I say Praise the Lord, you say Hallelujah.
  • Class: Hallelujah!

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this is the south, after all

-19 [+ / -]     Jan 24, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I'm having lunch with my god-cousin tomorrow. I absolutely love him, he is so awesome! I seriously hope I marry him.
  • Sorostitute 2: I don't think you should marry someone you consider your cousin.
  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, I know. Fuck it, I'll still marry him!

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no, but several priests have

-32 [+ / -]     Jan 21, 2008

  • Jesus freak: Has Jesus revealed himself to you tonight, ladies?
  • Girl 1: Hell yes!
  • Girl 2: Christ... that was funny.

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we beg to differ

101 [+ / -]     Dec 25, 2007

  • Trashy lady 1: Now I'm a good woman, and that's why I give my husband everything he wants Christmas night.
  • Trashy lady 2: Then why does he come around my trailer at night lookin' for the care of a good woman?
  • Trashy lady 1: Oh hush, Shelly, he's your brother.
  • Trashy lady 2: A good woman is a good woman, sister don't make no difference.

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just wear the flip flops

115 [+ / -]     Dec 10, 2007

  • Girl: I can't hardly walk in these shoes.
  • Guy: Did you wear them in?
  • Girl: No.
  • Guy: Did you walk around the store in them?
  • Girl: No.
  • Guy: Did you try them on?
  • Girl: No, I just said, "mommy these are cute," and she bought them.
  • Guy: This is going to be a long night.

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if you really loved me you'd have taken me to piccadilly

140 [+ / -]     Dec 10, 2007

  • Girlfriend: You never take me anywhere nice.
  • Boyfriend: What are you talking about? I took you to Raising Cane's like an hour ago!

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they don't call them spirits for nothing

59 [+ / -]     Nov 20, 2007

  • Girl: (complaining about not selling alcohol on Sunday) If it's a religious thing, you're not fooling anyone if you drink every other day. Jesus sees seven days a week.
  • Eavesdropping guy: Yeah! Like Santa!

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make a fool out of himself in public?

-48 [+ / -]     Nov 13, 2007

  • Tate preacher: So when y'all are looking at your pornography or smoking a joint or getting wasted, you aren't going to be thinking "What Would Jesus Do." So instead of WWJD, I want you to think WWMD, for "What Would Micah Do?"

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because the olive garden is black tie only

79 [+ / -]     Nov 07, 2007

  • Girl on cell: You're wearing what? Overalls? Honey, you can't wear overalls to dinner with your family!
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: Oh, well, that's true... I mean, it's not like you are going to the Olive Garden or anything.

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accent is right next to race in the genome

-4 [+ / -]     Nov 05, 2007

  • Guy: Dude, did you know they have black people in England?
  • Sorostitute: No way! How do they talk?

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can't argue that

132 [+ / -]     Oct 07, 2007

  • Tate preacher: Homosexuality is a sin!
  • Girl in crowd: What's so bad about homosexuality?
  • Tate preacher: Why don't you tell me what's so good about homosexuality?
  • Girl: Multiple orgasms!

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white trash math: the transitive property of unemployment

40 [+ / -]     Sep 26, 2007

  • Loan officer: Who is your current employer?
  • Redneck: I don't have a job right now.
  • Loan officer: What does your wife do?
  • Redneck: She works for me!

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just try to imagine that conversation

185 [+ / -]     Sep 06, 2007

  • Girl 1: So I hooked up with this really hot guy this weekend.
  • Girl 2: Awesome!
  • Girl 1: Well yeah, it was, but I think I might be related to him. So I have to call my mom tonight and find out.

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at least she likes mexican food

127 [+ / -]     Sep 03, 2007

  • Southern sorostitute: This year, on Cinco de Mayo, I had to take the SAT the next day, so I couldn't actually party on Cinco de Mayo. So because I couldn't party on Cinco de Mayo, my friends threw me a party on Cinco de Six!

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if you can't beat 'em... berate 'em

139 [+ / -]     Aug 27, 2007

  • Guy: (to Tate Preacher) What's your name, buddy?
  • Tate Preacher: Brother Micah.
  • Guy: Well let's skip the formal stuff, I'm gonna call you "captain asshole," is that OK?
  • (Tate Preacher looks frustrated and gets off stage)

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the mexicans just don't have the same charm

55 [+ / -]     Aug 06, 2007

  • (Passing the fraternity / sorority houses)
  • Girl: These houses are so beautiful
  • Guy: You mean the frat houses?
  • Girl: Well, you know, they were pretty back in the days where the black people were always working in the front yard.

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excuse me waiter, but there's a white boy in my soup

84 [+ / -]     Jul 05, 2007

  • Ghetto guy: I don't want none of those cucumbers in the salad.
  • Ghetto girl: What about them croutons? You want them in there?
  • Ghetto guy: What's a crouton?!
  • Ghetto girl: It's like a cracker! A cracker in yo salad!

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what would jesus do... to cure a hangover?

0 [+ / -]     Jun 19, 2007

  • (On a saturday night at a local restaurant)
  • Couple 1: Hey hows it going?
  • Couple 2: You know, just getting a little drunk at dinner tonight.
  • Couple 1: Yeah, we are too.
  • Couple 2: So we'll see y'all at sunday school in the morning right?

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she thinks we're still british

88 [+ / -]     Jun 03, 2007

  • Sorostitute: Then we crossed the Mississippi state line and it was really funny because I told Lindsey, "Yeah, it's really awkward here because they still own slaves."
  • Lindsey: Well how the hell was I supposed to know?

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future sunday school teachers

-14 [+ / -]     Jun 02, 2007

  • Drunk girl: I have to go in a little bit, I have to go to church.
  • Drunk guy 1: That's the best excuse for leaving I've heard all night! What do you say to God?
  • Drunk guy 2: You say, "God, I'm drunk, I can't go to church."
  • Drunk girl: Jesus loves every one, no matter what they do!

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is that code for hot fudge sunday?

-18 [+ / -]     May 20, 2007

  • White trash wife: You want an Orange Julius?
  • White trash husband: You want a black eye?

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...and if we're talking really high-class, target

76 [+ / -]     May 03, 2007

  • City fratty: So what do you do up in the hills when you go out?
  • Redneck fratty: Go to the battlefield, downtown, something like that. Maybe Wal-mart.
  • City fratty: Wow... Wal-mart?
  • Redneck fratty: Umm hell yea? But that’s only if they’re lucky. But that's more of an upscale date... I mean hell, it’s indoors.

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chihuahua : regular dog :: gazelle : crocodile

-16 [+ / -]     Apr 12, 2007

  • Vet Tech: Can I help you?
  • Redneck: Well, I got my chihuahua Taco here, and, well, she thought it might be a good idea to pick a fight with my regualar dog
  • Vet Tech: So, what exactly seems to be the problem?
  • Redneck: I think she might need some stitches. In her head.

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you should try everything once (except that and country line dancing)

100 [+ / -]     Apr 11, 2007

  • Guy: (looking at sorostitute's Facebook profile) You know you still have your gift to give out... and there's a cherry.
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, I kinda want to give it to my brother.

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Thank God we're in the South and not South Central

61 [+ / -]     Apr 03, 2007

  • Two Indie kids standing on a front porch.
  • Old black lady: (driving by in car) God bless you! God bless you!
  • Indie Kid 1: (to Indie Kid 2) Was that just a drive-by proselytizing?

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how it really goes down in middle georgia

144 [+ / -]     Mar 21, 2007

  • Guy 1: Dude, you're about to receive a middle georgia style ass whoopin'.
  • Guy 2: Wait, does that mean you gotta stop in the middle of it and make out with your sister?

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i bet she keeps her salt and sugar in the same jar, too

12 [+ / -]     Mar 10, 2007

  • Guy: I usually just have two loads of laundry, one of whites, one of colors.
  • Girl: Well aren't you something, I wash my whites and colors together, because I'm not racist. I don't see whites and colors, I just see clothes.
  • Guy: Well, whites and colors just happens to be a convenient division.

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diversity awareness

106 [+ / -]     Mar 08, 2007

  • Indian teacher: So in your journal, write about an important event in your life. For example, I wrote mine about the first time I met a white person. I was about 10 years old.
  • Redneck guy: Dear diary, today I met a honkey.

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hopefully he won't spend the 1.8 dollars all in one place

9 [+ / -]     Mar 04, 2007

  • Redneck 1: I just left 20 pesos on the table for a tip.
  • Redneck 2: Are you serious?
  • Redneck 1: Fuck yeah man.

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out west, there is nothing between you and the horizon but dumb, dumb, and more dumb

188 [+ / -]     Mar 03, 2007

  • Sorostitute: Me and my roommates got into a fight last night. They tried to tell me that Delaware was a state.
  • Classmate: Delaware is a state...
  • Sorostitute: Oh, well I don't care about those western states anyways.

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