Top rated quotes


#1   how to spot an out-of-towner 101

152 [+ / -]     Feb 12, 2008

  • Guy: Someone has made a mistake with my order... I did NOT ask for chili on my hot dogs!
  • (Varsity guy mumbles something about a naked dog)
  • Guy: What did you call me? I DEMAND to speak to your manager!

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#2   better get used to it, kids

147 [+ / -]     Mar 14, 2008

  • Bum: (sitting on ground outside MARTA station) Spare change?
  • (Mom tries to hurry her two kids past him)
  • Little Boy: Wow, a homeless person! We learned about these in social studies!
  • Little Girl: I never thought I'd actually get to see one in real life!

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#3   sounds like he's under pressure

111 [+ / -]     Mar 19, 2008

  • Bum: (outside MARTA station) Spare change? Spare change?
  • (He breaks into a perfect David Bowie imitation)
  • Bum: Ch-ch-ch-changes! Turn and face the train! Changes!

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#4   "...your intelligence is about to be towed"

73 [+ / -]     Feb 17, 2008

  • Guy On Intercom: (reading a tag number) A as in apple... R as in Richard... Q as in cucumber...

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#5   at least she won't be flying the plane

67 [+ / -]     Feb 13, 2008

  • (Waiting at the gate of a delayed flight, passengers start to talk to each other)
  • Buckhead Mom: So where are you all headed?
  • Ghetto Lady: L.A. You?
  • Buckhead Mom: New Zealand.
  • Ghetto Lady: New Zealand? Where's that?
  • Buckhead Mom: It's the country next to Australia.
  • Ghetto Lady: What?! When did they add that?!
  • (pause)
  • Buckhead Mom: So why are you going to L.A.?
  • Ghetto Lady: I just got a job teaching high school!

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#6   college is about learning to cope

67 [+ / -]     Apr 27, 2008

  • Fratty: I black out every time I drink, I've decided it's just part of drinking now.
  • Sorostitute: Um, that's not normal!
  • Fratty: I'm okay with it, lets take a shot.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#7   what's the difference between the lunch the dinner menu again?

64 [+ / -]     Mar 26, 2008

  • Girl: Ooh look, an Ethiopian restaurant!
  • Guy: So they serve... nothing?

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece


#8   and they were on sale!

63 [+ / -]     Feb 16, 2008

  • Mom: Guess what I got in Atlanta yesterday?
  • Teen Daughter: Herpes?
  • Mom: No, I got... wait, what?

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (1) | Speak Your Piece


#9   remember kids, alcohol reduces your inhibitions

50 [+ / -]     Feb 25, 2008

  • Emory Guy: (inside a car, yelling to two girls in the parking lot) Hey, we're going to a dance party, wanna come?
  • Drunk Girl: We cant just get in a car with strangers!
  • Emory Guy: We're gonna get high!
  • Drunk Girl: Okay!

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#10   turns out beggars CAN be choosers

49 [+ / -]     Feb 28, 2008

  • Beggar Lady: Does anyone have any change so I can eat?
  • (Guy starts putting nickels and pennies down on the seat for her)
  • Beggar Lady: No, no, I don't take pennies.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#11   just think, the future of our children is in her hands

46 [+ / -]     Feb 12, 2008

  • Female Teacher: I don't know why they made such a big deal out of me saying Ben Franklin was a president. It's an easy mistake to make. I mean, he's on the twenty-dollar bill.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#12   como se dice "dumbass?"

30 [+ / -]     Feb 26, 2008

  • Businessman on cell: What do you call 2 mex... (pauses and looks around) ...icans playing basketball?
  • (pause)
  • Businessman: Juan on Juan!

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#13   she as well be saving up barcodes from cereal boxes

28 [+ / -]     Feb 21, 2008

  • (Poor Lady is walking up and down the train asking for change to buy food)
  • Poor Lady: Can you spare 25 cents, sir?
  • Fratty: Sorry, I dont have any change.
  • Poor Lady: Is that one of 'em iPods?
  • Fratty: Yes, ma'am.
  • Poor Lady: How much one of 'em cost?
  • Fratty: 'Bout $200.
  • Poor Lady: Ooh, child... I've got to save my money to buy one of 'em things.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#14   hungers mcgee and the case of the gay waffle

27 [+ / -]     Mar 12, 2008

  • Man: (to Waffle House waitress) Ma'am, my waffle has glitter on it.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#15   yeah, in about 20 years

24 [+ / -]     Feb 23, 2008

  • Auburn Student: We just finished learning about World War I in my history class.
  • UGA Student: And...
  • Auburn Student: At the end of the lecture my professor asked, "any questions?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "so what about Hitler and the Nazis, aren't we going to talk about them?"

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#16   open mouth. insert foot, preferably wearing all-stars.

22 [+ / -]     Feb 14, 2008

  • (Woman sees Little Old Lady sitting in a wheelchair waiting for her ride. The old lady is wearing Converse All-Stars that look like they're made out of tennis ball material)
  • Woman: Your shoes are so cute!
  • Little Old Lady: Yeah, they're really comfortable.
  • (Woman looks at wheelchair)
  • Woman: Bet you don't get them dirty!

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#17   i'd shake your hand, but...

21 [+ / -]     Apr 25, 2008

  • Stagehand: Between my television shows and all the Internet porn out there, it's really tough to get anything done during the day.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#18   let's just say he created some people more equal than others

19 [+ / -]     Apr 21, 2008

  • Guy in Theater: If God is just then Brad Pitt has a small penis.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#19   i always seem to miss that aisle at the local hobby lobby

18 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2008

  • Fratty: So I'm thinking of experimenting with drugs this summer.
  • Sorostitute: Uh, why?
  • Fratty: Dunno, I feel like I need a hobby.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#20   did you blog the achievement?

16 [+ / -]     Feb 20, 2008

  • Nerd Guy: (to nerd girl) Oh, you'll be proud of me. I almost jerked off last night!

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (1) | Speak Your Piece


#21   high-roller suite, anyone?

16 [+ / -]     Apr 06, 2008

  • (On Marta going northbound, in an older, rundown train)
  • Fratty: Damn, this must be the VIP train... it smells like ass in here.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#22   it's the consolation prize for surviving the wreck

15 [+ / -]     Feb 05, 2008

  • Preppy high-school girl on cell: Oh my god, she's had her first car six months and she hasn't wrecked it yet? Why not? Everyone knows you get a much better car after you total your first one.

Link / Email This | Bookmark and Share

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


#23   well, the math is flawed, but we get the idea

13 [+ / -]     Feb 19, 2008